What does this even mean?
I gave him a week.
My mom said I should give him this week to let him think. She got my hopes up. I kept imagining that he’d come back from spring break, sneak into my building, show up at my door, and be like, “I missed you. I made a mistake.”
Now that he’s changed his status, I know that’s not going to happen and it hurts so much.
I really do hope we can still be friends. He said he could. I could really use him still in my life. He said he didn’t want the romance aspect. Okay. Can I still have the friendship? Can I still ask him for hugs and tell him funny things about my day? Can we still geek out over Zelda together?
…I need a break from tumblr. I keep thinking about him and he keeps showing up in my thoughts about the future and I’m crying too much and I’m just not mentally healthy and I need a reply from him if he’ll talk to me again and answer some of my questions I’ve been dwelling on all week and just give me better closer to the relationship…
I can’t be doing tumblr while I’m in this mood.
And he has a tumblr. He follows me. He probably hasn’t been watching it and he might unfollow me or delete his tumblr… But I just can’t do it. I can’t do facebook, either. I’m afraid I’m going to notice that he’s removed he from his friends. Or that his mom has. His sister already did and I just…
They all felt like family to me. And they were friends, too. I hate losing friends.
I need time.
Sorry about all of this…
This is the easiest place to get out my feelings.
Crying on the phone to my brother…
Not helping because I miss him, too.
I didn’t just lose a boyfriend. I lost a best friend and a family.
I felt close to his family. His mom was so nice and I was excited to have sisters…
He changed his relationship status on facebook.
This fucking hurts.
I want him back in my life, goddammit.
Aaaand I have another family member on their deathbed… My dad’s uncle Tom. We have Christmas Eve dinner with him and my dad’s aunt Kathy and her son Sean nearly every year.
This past Christmas… If I’m remembering correctly, he had had a stroke earlier that month or in November and he just wasn’t himself at Christmas Eve. He couldn’t eat without Kathy helping him, he had to go to bed early. He used to be so talkative and funny and wise but he sat there and stared into space and wet his pants. It’s not fair.
Now he’s bedridden and the hospice care said 2 weeks left.
I could use Tim’s comforting embrace right about now.
if we were a couple, we could:
- eat pizza together (=^w^=)
- have a movie marathon (.❂‿❂.)
- hold hands (｡◡‿◡｡)
- star gaze (▰˘◡˘▰)
- kiss (• ε •)
- take lots of pictures v(｡◕w◕｡v)
- play video games (✿◠‿◠)
- tell each other how cute we are (●´ω｀●)
- sing really loud in public (. ◕ o ◕.)
- sing really loud in private (─‿‿─)
- bake lots of cookies and cakes (˙❀‿❀˙)
- be really cute and make other couples jealous (↯⎵↯)
A+ relationship: Playing video games together, rough sex, pizza and awful humor that only you two can laugh at.